“Honestly, I really can’t understand why so many people actually like this shite…” This Discogs user’s reviews of rave classics are hilarious

For every glowing review on Discogs, you’re likely to find someone who believes a particular track or artist is gloriously overrated.

This is particularly the case when it comes to old rave cuts, which, far from bringing back happy memories, are written off by some as overplayed tosh.

With this in mind, Discogs user 8892sales‘ list of ‘Anthems I wish had never existed‘ makes for amusing reading.

“These are the popular, cheesiest sounding rave / dance anthems which I’ve either never liked or I’ve become totally sick of due to them being overplayed,” 8892sales writes in their intro. “Mostly the former though.

“I’ve exaggerated my dislike of some for effect and the tongue n cheek/devil’s advocate factor. Everyone has different tastes, mine possibly more limited than others. I’ve come to that age now where I don’t give a flying cobbler’s and feel there isn’t a need to be polite anymore. This is extremely self-indulgent but it’s ever so cathartic.”

Here are some of their choice reviews… sick bag at the ready 🙂

The Prodigy – Charly

“I found this overrated even for back then. And the stupid ’70s advert sample wasn’t the main reason. I just wasn’t keen with the modified Mentasm synth as it sounded crap to me. I like Mentasm and many other tunes which have subsequently acquired it. The example above just sounded really childish. i was often very polite with my raving peers but secretly couldn’t stand it.

“I used to like ‘Your Love’ a bit more due to the dark, acidy synth breakdown and break similar to Trigger – Wisdom. But it was let down, even for back then because of the really cheesy stabs and toytown bleeps. The piano doesn’t help either. The remix found on their debut LP is much, much, much worse.”

Shades Of Rhythm – The Sound Of Eden (Every Time I See Her)

“Aaaaaaarghhh!!! I think this was the beginning of the end of a relationship I was in with my then girlfriend as my true colours of disliking this track were appearing and she despised me for it. As I was becoming more vocally bold with what I disliked by then. She just couldn’t understand how I could not like it. Silly person.”

Nookie – Return Of Nookie

“Big with the masses. Pure chipmunks. Cheesy as hell. Overplayed. The worst combination in a hardcore track for me are speeded up shrill, chipmunk vocals, tinny skittery beats, overtly happy pianos and jungleistic chipmunked rudebwoy, yardie chants and motifs. This contains the bloody lot!

“To my two sisters that worshipped this crap?? If you ever get to read this. You’ve always both had the cheesiest, tackiest taste in music.”

M-Beat Featuring General Levy – Incredible

“Biggest load of crap ever. Possibly spoiled any if a very few good memories I had of 1994!”

The Future Sound Of London – Papua New Guinea

“Hmmm. Sorry, but this has to go in for me. A number of reasons:
1) It was and still is very overplayed.
2) Overhyped, overrated.
3) I personally think they’ve produced much better, more revolutionary records.
4) I much prefer their harder, more extreme stuff.
5) Never was that enamoured with it in the first place.
6) Not keen with the vocal sample.
7) Perhaps I’m too narrow minded. Who cares!
8) Many seem to think this is the best thing FSOL did. They are evidently wrong.
9) I think the main reason is point no.1.”

Hardrive – Deep Inside

“More garagey, posey, handbag nonsense. Which quickly developed or at least heavily influenced the UK Garage sound circa late 1996 onwards. Posers, blingers, coke heads, narcissists, ex junglists. Then came the thugs. A nice big happy marriage of posing, arrogance and violence.”

Kicks Like A Mule – The Bouncer

“Circulating since late 1991. Biggest load of tosh ever. Overplayed anthem. All the wide boys loved it. This was the beginning of the end in many ways.

“Very simplistic. Crap, annoying vocal samples. And some of the most obvious samples from other tracks. ‘If your name’s not dan (down) you’re not comin’ in. Not tonight. You’re not on the list’. I told you once I told you twice etc… What.. a… load… of… monkey… wank…

“Wasn’t very keen with bouncers as it was. Most I’ve come across were as thuggish if not more than the thugs they were trying to keep out. Last thing I want to listen to is a jacked up arrogant narcissistic meat head telling me I can’t come in while I’m buzzing.”

Baby D – Let Me Be Your Fantasy

“This one tops the lot for the most irritating, cheesiest, cringiest, most overplayed anthems ever. Admittedly I like the drop which reminds me of Timebase – Fireball. But that’s it. Not enough for me NOT to hate it.

“All the remixes are crap aswell. From the chipmunked jungle versions to the handbag to the UK gar(b)age. There’s probably a crappy dubstep, grime, crunk, trap, bounce, ghetto, RnB, “electro”house, melodyne, autotune or hands in the air pop trance Ibiza mix by now aswell.”

Stardust – Music Sounds Better With You

“Fuck me. ‘Music Sounds Better’ does it? It’s a shame this one will always sound like complete and utter shite isn’t it? However special the woman, man, undecided, animal etc beside you is.”

Technohead – Mary Jane

“This outfit made some proper underground eternal classics, particularly under the GTO guise, unfortunately, this one was never one of those classics. Purely for the pogo bouncing cheddar-core massive. Doink! Doink! Doink! Doink! Doink!”

Shut Up And Dance Featuring Peter Bouncer – Raving I’m Raving

“Where do I begin? Honestly. I really can’t understand why so many people actually like this shite. Seriously. Awful.

“This must not only be the worst PJ & Smiley ever concept (sorry guys), but also one of the worst rave, hardcore anthems to be pressed on plastic. The only thing I can think of is that the guys were overwhelmed with the propect of wads of “£££££” at the time.

“The vocal is godawful, the rendition of Walking In Memphis is equally one of the worst ideas to be formulated. What a horrendous record to make a cover of in the first place.

“Everyone bemoans the rave scene as a joke due to other ridiculous incarnations such as Sesame’s Treat & Trip To Trumpton but which were laughable at best – although Trip To Trumpton contained some seriously good breaks – there was no saving grace though. Raving I’m Raving is right up there with the atrociously worst of them. In many ways this is much worse than those mentioned above, as I doubt this was trying to take the piss like many others were and was from a quite an underground and reasonably credible crew. A guarantee to make me want to get off the dancefloor or leave the venue. Certainly killed my buzz.

“Get the sick bucket out as quickly as possible and chuck this in the never returning from the black hole of oblivion already. Please!”

Eloquently put. Read the full list by clicking here

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